


Undercover

by Applause



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton
Genre: Everyone is angry, Feemor takes care of Qui-Gon, Jedi Apprentice - Freeform, Light Side Xanatos, M/M, qui-gon is bad at taking care of himself, tags and rating will be changed, undercover xanatos, xanatos is a bitch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-24 07:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13806498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applause/pseuds/Applause
Summary: Xanatos is a spy for the Jedi Council and has been working undercover for years. His disappearance during his last mission with Qui-Gon was his cover so no one tried to search for him or even knew that he's alive. Needless to say: Angst, a lot of angst. After Xanatos comes back to the temple Obi-wan is pretty confused because he doesn't really know who that guy is that his master is hella angry at.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I don't really write much and when I do I usually keep it to myself but I really really wanted to post some of the stuff I wrote recently. I'm a huge fan of the Jedi Apprentice series, I love them and to be honest I don't know where I'm going with this story yet so the tags and the rating might change with every chapter (Read the tags everytime I post something or you might miss that I added something you don't like to read!). In addition: I have no beta and English isn't my mother tongue so... feel free to correct me but be nice. Now enjoy reading !

Coruscant felt as bright by night as it felt by day. The bright neon signs and many colorful signs let the city shine in a light but something was off today, he could tell. It was late and he would definitely fall asleep during meditation the next morning when he kept this up but something was wrong, he could feel it. Even if his master wouldn’t believe him. Well, he'd said  _Something is wrong, I'm sure, I just can't place it...!_

After that his Master told him to come back to him when he could and ushered him to his room so he'd sleep. But no matter how often he tossed and turned he couldn't shake the feeling. After some time the young Padawan finally gave  up on sleeping and went to the little kitchen of their quarters to make some tea when he noticed that the lights were already on. 

“Master?”, he asked as he walked in, only to see Qui-Gon pacing, the tea on the counter long cold.

“Obi-Wan, what are you doing up so late?” His master didn’t seem startled, just somehow tired.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the door frame.

“You told me you were worried and I can feel what you were trying to say. So I stayed up, just in case something happens.”, Qui-Gon admitted and slowed his pacing enough to pick up his cup. He took a sip of the cold tea, made a face and put it back onto the counter.

“Wait, you said there was nothing to worry about and told me to go to sleep!” His master had lied to him so he could take care of it while Obi-Wan got enough rest. What he didn’t seem to care about was that he himself didn’t get enough sleep, of course that wasn’t as important. Obi-wan felt a slight stab of guilt in his chest but instead of voicing his concerns he just poured the cold tea into the sink and got some more water boiling. Then they said in silence for the rest of the night. 

 

A few hours later they started to make breakfast. It felt a little weird, eating breakfast after they didn't sleep. After some time even Obi-Wan was finally able to shake the feeling that something was wrong. Nothing happened and there were no signs that indicated anything happening so they let it be and settled down in the living room to meditate. They had just settled down when they heard the door to their quarters open with its characteristic  _swish_ sound. Obi-wan looked up to see Master Windu standing there. 

"Master Jinn, we need to talk." That literally never meant good news. Never. Looking over to his Master Obi-wan could see that he was just as startled as he himself was. 

"Of course, Master Windu." Both of them got up and while Qui-Gon followed Master Windu to the Council Chamber, Obi-Wan bowed a little and decided that it was time to read to distract himself until his Master came back with - hopefully - good news. To be honest, he doubted the news would be good. 

 

* * *

 

Qui-Gon waited for the Council to tell him why they called for him after Mace Windu sat down in his chair but they didn't speak for a while. Just as he wanted to ask why no one was talking, Master Yoda raised his voice. 

"Difficult things are. Prepared you must be to hear what you fear most." Qui- Gon sighed and adjusted his stance. Master Yoda would never stop speaking in riddles. 

"You have been working well with your Padawan and we are pleased to see that you are a good Master for him." That could only mean bad news were coming. "But we also have news you will have to meditate about, to understand why we had to do what we did. The Council had to make a choice that was hard on all of us but it affected you the most. it is time, that you know what really happened on Telos IV."

The name of the planet felt like a punch to the stomach. Memories he had come to peace with since Obi-wan became his Padawan flooded his mind, threatening to drown him in the fear of what the council would say next. He had lost his former Padawan that day and it haunted him for many, many years afterwards. 

"I was there. I know what happened." He wanted to protest, to run out of the room immediately but instead he stayed, calmed his voice and waited. It was obvious that none of the present members of the Council wanted to tell him what the matter was but it would most likely be even worse when he found out on his own. 

"You were there but you don't know what happened. We used Crion's death to feign Xanatos' desertation. We needed him to disappear so he could start over and create another persona to gain information. That wouldn't have been possible if you still trusted him." 

"That isn't possible..." Qui-Gon staggered backwards, hit by the force of what Mace had just said. He undestood the words but their meaning was lost to him. Xanatos never turned. Xanatos was alive, was well and had been working for the Jedi Order the whole time. "He was just a child..." 

"Xanatos sacrificed a lot for us that day. He excelled at all of his tasks, as we expected and we couldn't be more grateful for what he did. I'm sorry we had to do this to you." 

"You're... you're sorry? After everything we've been through, Mace, the first thing that comes to your mind is 'sorry'?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing, what their words really meant. They used him and his Padawan the whole time. The day Crion died Xanatos tore their bond, a part of their souls, apart. For all Qui-Gon knew he could have been dead or turned to the Dark Side, he had been worried sick and refused to take another Padawan for years because he didn't think he was able to handle the responsability. it had been an act. All of it was an act and the reason they couldn't tell him was because they didn't trust him. 

"Qui-Gon, please calm down, you have to try to undestand why what we did was necessary." 

"Then tell me, why was it necessary to destroy me?" He knew he shouldn't be angry. He still was. 

"If destroy you it did, too attached you were."

At that Qui-Gon stormed out of the Council Chamber. The least thing he needed was a lecture about the Codex. It wasn't about being attached, it was about questioning himself and his ability to teach young Jedi. He had always blamed himself for what he thought had happened to Xanatos. He basically raised him afterall, how could it not be his fault? For years he thought he would never be able to take another Padawan. That even if he wanted to, the Council wouldn't allow it because of what happened last time. When he finally found the courage to do it anyways, he made everything impossibly harder for Obi-wan and himself because he still wasn't ready, because he still was too afraid. Qui-Gon had believed that there would never be another day when he didn't think about his failure. But Obi-wan was different. He helped him work through his issues on various occasions and just when they were happy, when he was sure that he could live with what he did, he was told it wasn't real, that they didn't trust them enough to handle being secretive about his padawan's first important mission. 

 

When he looked up he was in one of the Temple's gardens. It was peceful. Most Jedi were on missions these days and the initiates were still taking classes around this time. Qui-Gon sat down under a tree, preparing to work the anger and disappointment he was feeling out of his head with a lot of meditation, when he heard someone approach him. He hadn't sensed anyone near him when he sat down so he looked up in surprise, only to see a young man standing a few steps away from him. He looked almost exactly like Qui-Gon remembered him, only a little older and with his dark hair now grown out and long but he still had the same piercing blue eyes, the same lithe built. He stood there like nothing happend, his stance proud, head held high but at the same time, everything about him was different. He had learned how to suppress his Force signature and how to make his face look blank when he wanted to. His expression gave away nothing and neither did his eyes. In the past, it had always been his eyes. 

 

"I'm back, Master."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the first chapter! I would love it if you left some feedback, that would definitely help me finding out where I'm even going with this. Come fangirl with me on tumblr (@rly-maresh).


	2. 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xanatos meets Obi-wan for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the chapters are quite short but this is the only way I can really keep updating this quick. I'm a pretty slow writer so the chapters will be long when I have 2 weeks to work on it but I'd rather post something new every few days for you.

Qui-Gon stared at the young man standing only a few steps away from him. It was the face that he had seen when he closed his eyes for years. He didn’t know what to say so he just said nothing.

“I’m sorry we had to part like this but please understand that I did what had to be done.”, Xanatos said, not even trying to apologize for what he did to his Master. He’d always been bad at apologies, always believed that what he did was the only right way, that everyone else was wrong. He was too proud, too headstrong and it seemed like he didn’t change. Back then Qui-Gon had been blinded by the innocent eyes of the child. It was too late to take him in, he was too old, to attached to his father but Qui-Gon didn’t listen to the Council. Now he knew that he should have. He knew how arrogant his Padawan had been, how much he had lied, how much he manipulated him. But the Council didn’t seem to care about that anymore. Back then they tried to show Qui-Gon that he was blinded by affection and trust for his Padawan but as soon as Xanatos made himself useful to the Council they shut up about it. Suddenly none of their concerns mattered. They only used them to tell Qui-Gon it wasn’t his fault, though they all knew that he would blame himself for what happened.

“Seems like the Council was right about you.”, Qui-Gon answered and got up from his spot on the grass. He didn’t want Xanatos to look down on him like this.

“Right about what exactly?” He surely sensed that something was off, sounding careful, almost confused. Of course he would claim that it was his mission and that his Master should get over it already but he would always refuse to take responsibility for how much he hurt the older Jedi.

“Do you remember how they used to warn me about you? They were right all along.” The expression on Xanatos’ face shifted from confused to something colder, harsher. “They just stopped caring when you made yourself useful.”

“Master, you don’t understand-“

“Don’t call me your Master.” Qui-Gon interrupted him sharply. “That’s not what I am, not anymore. Maybe I never was. You only ever did what you wanted and a mission all on your own, far away from the Temple?  That sounds exactly like what you would enjoy.”

 

* * *

 

 

Xanatos had never seen his Master so angry. He refrained from fighting him on this until he calmed down, so he just walked away and left the gardens. Qui-Gon was mad and disappointed, that much was understandable and he probably would be for some time. Maybe he always would be but that was something Xanatos knew from the very start. He never thought that his mission take so long. The Council had talked about months. But months turned into years and years turned into a decade.

_It’s really been long.._

Of course the prospect of a huge solo mission had been exciting. The Council had always mistrusted him, thought that he wasn’t ready, that he wasn’t a team player, that he was to proud, too arrogant but this mission... this mission took all of these bad traits and made them useful. He had to work quick, alone and reckless without having to take care of others. The mission to Telos IV was a cover for him to leave the Order with no ties to other Jedi. Even if he would have wanted help, there was no chance to get it. He was on his own, not even able to talk to the Council unless they contacted him first. Now Xanatos was back at the Temple and it was weird, being a Knight and not the leader of the huge company Offworld anymore. What he built in those years was impressive. The network of spies that reported to him from all over the Galaxy, the power he was able to control was beyond that. In the end it meant nothing. As soon as he came back to the Order he would only be a Jedi who lived his life for others. What would other Jedi do if they were him?

_Probably visit their friends they didn’t see in years._

He scoffed at his own thought. _Friends_ , well that was a funny idea. He didn’t know if the Council would have choosen him for the mission if he did indeed have friends. They probably would have but the fact that he didn’t surely sweetened the whole deal for them. The only person who really had been hurt by it was his Master. _He seemed to be over it_ , the Council told him at their last meeting, _even had a new Padawan now. A strange kid but he always seems to be picking up the strange ones._ Yes, taking in people no one else wanted was what he usually did, people who had nowhere else to turn. If it hadn’t been for Qui-Gon he was sure no one would have picked him as a Padawan. Sure, his abilities had been outstanding, even then, but his personality was usually everything the Jedi didn’t want in their ranks. He had been lucky that it was Qui-Gon who found him in the first place. The older Jedi had probably felt responsible and guilty for even bringing him in so he was the obvious choice.

It made the knight curious, though, who was the new Padawan Qui-Gon had taken under his wing? As far as he knew they have been training together for quite a while, almost six years by now. The Council seemed to like him too by now, though Qui-Gon only chose him because no one else did and he didn’t want to see the potential wasted. Unsurprisingly they got used to each other and by now were an unshakable Force within the Order, getting all the fun risky missions. Xanatos wasn't able to gather much information besides all the official data. It was quite easy to hack into the Temple's data but of course they didn't write down the interesting stuff about other Jedi. It seemed like he had to find our for himself. 

Making sure his Master wasn't inside he rang the doorbell on Qui-Gon's and Obi-wan's quarters. It wasn't necessary of course, he could have walked right in but asking to come inside always seemed more trustworthy. The door opened quickly, as if the young Padawan had been waiting in the same room all the time. He looked quite disappointed when he saw Xanatos instead of - what he assumed he was expecting - his master, even pouted a little.  _Well if that isn't an adorable habit._

"Hello. Obi-wan.", he said with a soft smile. However, the Padawan's frown only deepened when he added "I have been dying to meet you.". His smile might have gotten a somehow twisted touch but the knight didn't care enough to wipe it off his face. 

"Who are you?", Obi-wan asked. He was looking him up and down, clearly noticing that he was a Jedi, probably a Knight because he was too young to be a Master already and that he had never seen him before, which was quite rare in times like these. The Jedi became less and less and if you were at the Temple for some years already you surely saw everyone once in a while. 

"I'm sure you heard about me before. My name is Xanatos and that somehow makes me a part of your family." Obi-wan's eyes widened in surprise when he realized what that meant. Surely he had only heard Qui-Gon's twisted story of the events that probably only got worse and worse over the years. The older Jedi always tended to exaggerate when things happened way back. 

"That's impossible. Where is my Master, what did you do to him?!" He seemed angry, somehow... ready to attack. That kid seemed to be way too attached to his Master, more than what was good for him. The Council surely noticed.

"I'm sure we have a lot to talk about.", Xanatos smiled and walked past Obi-wan to stand in front of the window. "It's been a long time and surely you have many questions." His grin only got wider when he had his back to the Padawan. This was going to be fun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This is it. I hope you liked the second chapter enough to leave a comment behind, that would be really nice ;)


	3. 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments on the last chapter, I really appreciate them!

“What did you do to him?!” The young Padawan asked again, almost yelled at him by now but kept his distance, like he was afraid.

  
“Keep your shields up, I can feel what you’re thinking.” Xanatos could sense how afraid how worried for his Master Obi-wan was. Surely he thought the knight was dead too, like everyone did and him being back could only mean one thing: That he planned revenge on Qui-Gon.

  
The Padawan tried to mask his embarrassment with a cough, to conceal the gasp when he noticed that his shields weren’t completely drawn up while facing the ‘enemy’. It was interesting how Qui-Gon tried didn’t even try not to make the same ‘mistake’ again. He got too attached to the Youngling with not much of a future and let his Padawan grow attached to him again. It was the same pattern. Qui-Gon didn’t quite make a mistake, yes, it was all an undercover mission but he didn’t know that. He thought he was responsible for the loss of his Padawan and didn’t even notice that he just did the same thing again. Xanatos wondered how he even got so far with Obi-wan, or if the Council said anything about them being to close. Did Obi-wan even know or did he think it was normal? How bright was Obi-wan anyways? What did Qui-Gon see in him?

“So many questions and only a few answers…”, Xanatos quietly said to himself. Then he turned to the Padawan. “So, Obi-wan… why don’t you make some tea and we talk?” He kept his smile in check this time – friendly smile zone only – and went ahead to the kitchen. Obi-wan followed him slowly, obviously very cautious but he seemed to sense that he wasn’t going to get hurt. Xanatos sat down at the table and waited for him to prepare the tea.

“I didn’t hurt your Master, don’t worry.” Obi-wan visibly relaxed a little. He seemed to believe him but still had his doubts. “And I never left the Jedi. The Council sent me on a long term mission which required a lot of secrecy and sensibility. We staged everything your Master probably told you about Telos IV so that I was able to act without any attachments or other people even knowing that I was alive. I had another identity so no one would know I’m a Jedi.” Obi-wan prepared some tea while he talked, taking in everything the older knight said and probably considering if he could believe anything at all. Xanatos could be lying, he could be manipulating him, he’d never know until a member of the Council would say that it’s true.

 “Listen, you can ask the Council about this all you want but I’d like it a lot more if I was able to get to know my little brother a bit before he comes in here and tells you lies about me.” Xanatos had meant it to sound a little sad but he was surprised that he actually felt somehow downcast by the thought of losing his only family. If Qui-Gon would ever consider him family again, that was.

When Xanatos first came back to the Temple he felt like everything was alright, like he just returned from a mission like any other assignment he’d been given while he trained with Qui-Gon. Only when he met his ex-Master in the gardens he realized that nothing would ever be the same. And if Qui-Gon wasn’t able to forgive him it would only be worse. The mission he had been sent on had not been designed for success. It was supposed to gather information and gain control over the Outer Rim. Nobody ever said he was going to walk out of it alive so it was better to let Qui-Gon think he was dead. At least better than his Master worrying about him, being mad at the Council for even designing such a mission and being shattered to pieces in case he didn’t make it out in the end. But it had worked. Xanatos had never dared to think about this outcome, even if he was pretty convinced by his own powers most of the time. In the end, he had been just as scared of a suicide mission as of returning and shattering his Master’s beliefs.

“Why would he lie to me?” Obi-wan frowned at the older knight, confused by his words. Of course Qui-Gon was honest and he would never intentionally lie to his Padawan but he was also currently furious. At himself, at the Council, at Xanatos… at everyone he could possibly blame for the pain he felt.

“You know, back on Telos IV he thought he lost me for good and he blamed himself for what happened but today when he found out that none of it was real he surely realized that he suffered because of what the Council decided was the right thing to do.” He took a moment to steady his voice and breathe slowly. “I think that he needs to come to terms with that first and I don’t know if he will be able to forgive me soon. So I decided I would visit you and get to know my little brother before you think I’m an awful person.”

Obi-wan’s eyes widened at the word ‘brother’. It seems he never thought about it that much.

“So… let’s say I believe you..-“ That was some progress at least. “- would you really be like a brother? That doesn’t sound like something the Council approves-“

“Oh come on Obi-wan”, Xanatos interrupted him. “The Council can be a bunch of assholes sometimes, you don’t have to listen to everything they say as long as you don’t forget what it means to be a Jedi.” The Padawan was obviously shocked by his words.  He meant them, though. Being a Jedi meant protecting the ones who couldn’t protect themselves while following the Force and it would show them what was the right thing to do. The Force would always know better than the Council anyways. 

"I don't know if I think the same.", Obi-wan answered truthfully. 

"Anyways, you can meditate over that later. 'Heard you are good at that." 

“Fine. We can talk. But if I want you to leave, you leave.” The Padawan scowled a little as if he didn’t like the answer he gave but did it anyways. He was bright in the Force, brighter than most were at his age and it was obvious that Qui-Gon was the perfect teacher for him. But it was difficult, especially with him being back his ex-Master would close himself off for a while, deal with the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him even if he meditated. Xanatos knew that feeling, he had been angry, sad, frustrated and helpless often enough but meditation only wasn’t going to make things better.

“As you wish, Obi-wan. You can question me as much as you like, as long as I get to know you a little.” The Knight smiled and sipped on his tea, waiting for Obi-wan to attack him with a bunch of questions.

“What was he like when he took you in as a Padawan?” Xanatos chuckles, a timeless classic. Everyone wanted to know if Qui-Gon had always been the rather unconventional Jedi or if maybe it was his fault.

“He was pretty determined to do the right thing. Most Jedi knew that I wasn’t quite what a Master looked for in a Padawan, so Qui-Gon wanted to prove that I was worth the training. He always works more than what’s good for him and is terrible at taking care of himself. That’s your job now, as his Padawan.” Obi-wan chuckled a little. It seemed like Qui-Gon didn’t really change, which was quite a relieve to the older knight. He had feared that he broke something in him that wouldn’t heal anymore.

“I see. And you- and you really only did what the Council asked you to do? You didn’t intentionally hurt him?” Obi-wan still had trouble trusting Xanatos but that was fine, it would pass eventually.

“Yes. I promise I never wanted to hurt our Master. I knew I would but I didn’t want to.” He leaned forward a bit. “He will be angry and he will need time. If you want to train or to meditate you can always come over to me in case that Qui-Gon just isn’t ready to take you back on as if nothing happened.”


	4. 4.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xanatos finally gets to talk to an old friend of his and tries to get used to Temple life again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that Mace Windu is only 3 years older than Xanatos? Are you seeing the possibilities? Well I do ;-)

Obi-wan opened his mouth to say something but Xanatos never learned what he wanted to say. If the automatic doors of the Temple could sound angry this was probably the angriest swish-sound they ever made.

“I’ll have to go now but remember what I said”, the knight said and rushed past Qui-Gon who had just entered his and Obi-wan’s quarters. He didn’t want another encounter with his ex-Master so soon. The door closed again to the sound of Qui-Gon asking Obi-wan not to believe a word of what the knight had said. Xanatos had already expected that much.

_Don’t worry, Qui-Gon… you’ll understand soon enough._

He headed to his own quarters then. The Council had moved the remains of his belongings there after he had to leave with just the most necessary things. When he had come back yesterday they felt weirdly empty. Xanatos was used to being along, after all the years he spent with the mining company he built hadn’t quite felt like living with a family but the Temple still meant home to him and home had always been Qui-Gon, no matter how difficult things had been at times. Now he was a knight and had his own quarters. There wasn’t much change in the technology that he didn’t know about and the furniture also seemed mostly the same to what it looked like when he left. He brought everything he owned from the planet where he led Offworld from, which was quite a lot, especially for a Jedi but the Council allowed him to keep it in case they would still need the company again. Xanatos gave his order per com and holo-video now; It wouldn’t run itself while he was away afterall. He was still the key to its success.

When he opened the doors he didn’t find his quarters empty, though. “Hello, Xanatos. It’s good to have you back.”

“Mace!” Xanatos grinned and embraced the other Jedi. There hadn’t been much time to talk to him when he reported to the Council, just a few glances and smiles. “You’re looking good, being on the Council suits you.” Mace chuckled and moved to sit down on the sofa in the middle of the main room of Xanatos’ quarters .

“So I’ve been told. You’re not looking bad either, though. How was the Rim?” The knight moved to sit beside him, crossing one leg over the other, so his ankle rested on his other knee.

 “You read my report, Mace.” Xanatos rolled his eyes, draping one arm over the back of the sofa.

“I read a Jedi Knight’s report but I want my friend Xanatos to tell me what it was like.” That sounded very much like him, getting sentimental right away.

“Well, what would you feel like if you had to abandon all of your principles and manage to basically climb to the top of the food chain in a few months? The Outer Rim is tough. It wasn’t possible to be a Jedi at the same time and there are things I’m not proud of. A lot of things.” The knight played with the ring on his finger, thinking that he should probably take it off now that he was back at the Order. It wouldn’t be easy to get used to everything again.

“You did it, though. And while building and leading a ruthless company does sound tough you were able to do a lot of things a Jedi wouldn’t usually be able to do.”

Xanatos thought about all the huge places he lived in, the amazing ships, the luxury, the freedom… but behind that façade, behind the act he put up it was a lonely life.

“Yeah, at least it was comfortable.”, he answered, rolling his eyes. “I know I spent years being rich and powerful and while that is amazing and comfortable it’s not what I want to do or be.”

Mace put a supporting hand onto his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “You’re back now. There will be enough time to get used to us and your life again.”

“Until you rip me out of my home and throw me into my next mission like that anyways…”, Xanatos mumbled but shook his head at his own words right after. Mace only wanted to help him. “As long as you’re here to help I’ll be fine.” The other Jedi smiled reassuringly.

“So, I think I know what you can do about Qui-Gon.”

Xanatos eyes lit up immediately. “Go ahead!” He really needed all the help he could get with his ex-Master. The knight saw his family fall apart in front of his eyes and he wouldn’t have it.

“Just guess who returned from a mission just yesterday. I’ll give you a hint. It’s someone Qui-Gon likes very much.” Mace grinned suggestively and there was only one person he knew that fit that description.

“No way! He’s always gone on some mission or another.” He was already up and on his way to the door. “Come on, get out of my quarters when I’m not here.” Mace followed him into the hallway where they said their goodbyes and Xanatos stormed to the only place he knew where he’d find that very special person: The Crechè.

The knight hoped his habits were still the same, otherwise it would take some time to find him. He wanted to make his first appearance face to face, not via com. 

"Now look at you, seraching for a Padawan?" Xanatos grinned when he finally found the Master he was looking for. Feemor turned around to look at the source of the teasing words and seemed like he didn't trust his own eyes. 

"Xanatos?", he asked, walking over to his little brother to pull him into a tight hug. "Is that really you?" The knight's grin softened into a smile while he wrapped his arms around the other Jedi. 

"I'm back.." This is the response he would have wanted from Qui-Gon. Nevertheless it made him indescribably happy to see his big brother again and have him welcome him back right away. 

"I thought you were-" Feemor didn't continue his sentence but Xanatos knew what he wanted to say anyways. It's what he'd heard about a thousand times in the last day alone. 

"I'm alive..." he smiled wider and hugged his brother tighter. "I missed you so much.. there wasn't a day I didn't think about you and Qui-Gon." He stopped talking then, feeling tears sting in his eyes. This feeling of happiness was overwhelming, the warmth of home, the gentle bond already forming again in the Force between them. Xanatos had hoped that Qui-Gon would welcome him in the same way but didn't expect it. There was nothing else he could Feemor imagine to do. Qui-Gons first padawan and partner had always been the more gentle part of the pair. 

"It's alright, we got you back now..", Feemor whispered gently. "Let's go somewhere else."

The older Jedi led him out of the Crechè and out on one of the Temple's balconies. The view was beautiful and Xanatos found himself looking at the ocean of colorful lights that was Coruscant for the first time in years. When he first came home he only reported to the Council and went straight to bed. He didn't see much of the planet, didn't care for it either but now on the balcony with Feemor he felt like he came home. His brother must have seen the tears in his eyes before he gently took his hand and squeezed it lightly. "Did you tell him you're back already?"

Xanatos shivered. "Yes. He didn't take it well." He avoided looking at Feemor, staring at the city below instead. 

"Don't blame him, you know what he can be like.." The older Jedi tried to soothe him a little, showing him that he still had a chance.

"I was hoping that you could talk to him, you know." Xanatos finally looked up at his brother and saw Feemor smiling at him. 

"Of course."

They stood there watching the city for a while longer, each one of them enjoying the presence of the other while getting used to the feeling at the same time again. When He left for his Mission Xanatos had to severe all of his bonds to the other Jedi and it hurt, it hurt terribly. He felt like he wouldn't be able to do it alone, that he would die on his mission with no chance to ever tell Feemor and Qui-Gon that he didn't hate them, that he still loved his family more than a jedi should. It felt good to slowly gain that connection back now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment about your opinion on Mace and Xan being friends! (or just about anything else you want, I appreciate every comment) :)  
> Also you probably saw that I don't have a beta. If anyone wants to despair over my writing in their freetime, feel free to message me at @rly-maresh on tumblr!


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